I'm a single man, by choice lately.  However, I have tried to maintain a long term relationship, several times to no avail; so one could say that I have a little experience.  When you get my age, you really take a look back at the mistakes you've made in life, and try to figure out how to avoid making them again as you proceed into the future.  If you read my article, "Singled Out: Dating Tips From A Single Man", you will see that I've listed all of my imperfections.  The key is, I am aware of what they are.  Never the one to place total blame on myself, however, I think I've been looking for love in all the wrong places (sorry Marc Almond).  As one does when he/she gets older, I will pass down my knowledge, and it is up to you to listen.  

Below, I've listed the top five places to avoid when

you want to settle down, and why.  

Remember you've been warned.

5. The Grocery Store
Try to find "Mr. Right" in the produce section, and your bananas won't be the only thing getting bagged           dear.  It's true ladies and gents, men who stalk you in grocery stores are only trying to throw you in the cart with the rest of their groceries.  Once their done treating you like the perishable goods in their pantry, you're a goner.  Then, they're back at the grocery store to make another "purchase".

4. Your Straight Best Girlfriend
This is trivial, because the problem is most heterosexual women, try as they might, don't get it, even your "hag".  No matter how you try to explain it to them, they will forever be clueless.  You see, to them, you're a gay man, and they see another handsome gay man (so they think), and automatically think its a match made.  In their 2+2=4 world, it's that black and white.  But for us, I think we know what the real "tea" is.

3. So Called "Dating" Websites
Eve's other half has a website, except its sans Eve.  This website is under the guise of a great website where singles can meet and fall in love.  Don't fall for the hype.  Several failed relationships have finally opened my eyes to the real deal; A4A only serves a carnal purpose. For example, members post explicit images and claim to only be looking for friends, or wanting to find real love.  This should let you know that A4A and other similar websites are b.s., and you should GET OUT while you still can.  I mean really, I've never made lasting friendships by showing people my private area.  (Other's to avoid: Black Gay Chat, ManHunt, etc.)

2. Church
If you want a man to lie, cheat, and be deceitful, then church is the place for you.  The place of hypocrites and bigots, church will surely lead you on the path of romantic destruction.  News flash, if a man will lie to God, sweetie he will lie to you.

1. The Club
The number one NO-NO!!! Do I really need to go there?  I mean seriously, a hot sweaty room full of people that are drunk and high is the spot you choose to find a lasting love? Don't kid yourself my friend.  The music is pumping, and individuals are on the dancefloor grinding lustfully on each other.  This hedonic scene is saturated in sexual overtones.  I don't care how good he looks, and all of the wonderful things he whispers in your ear.  When the lights turn on at the end of the night, you will see him for who he truly is in more ways than one.  Let him buy you a few drinks, thank him for the favor, and leave.  Aliases and "phony" numbers work great in this setting.  Enjoy the night, leave any aspirations for romance at home, and like Gaga says, "just dance"!

Know of any other "No Cupid" zones?  Please comment and share your stories here at burnthecloset.blogspot.com!

Okay, so I'm single...(deep breath...wait...wait...release)...there I said it.  I must admit that I never imagined that I would be single in my sexy 30's, but the reality of it is, men don't change for the better as you get older.  Sometimes I really think they make a change for the worse.  But that is neither here nor there.  But here's the major question: is it really their actions or unconscious actions of my own that are truly transforming my "Prince Charmings" into royal a**holes? This year, after yet another failed relationship, I took a vow -- "No Men for 2010".  Yes, I've said it before, but this year I really meant it (besides, I have to because the slogan will be irrelevant next year and thereafter).  Amazingly, in just six short months, I've discovered so many things about "me" that I would have never unearthed if I had of allowed another pretend lover in my life.  Oh, but the beauty of revelations has uncovered things (I dare not call them imperfections--hey I'm a Capricorn; in my eyes I AM perfect) that "the one" will be willing to put up with out of love for me.  After realizing these things, I believe in "the one" more than ever before.  I've discovered he may not fit my shallow physical requirements (a tall, hyper-masculine, muscular brick wall), but will be the man I've longed for because he will meet my emotional prerequisites.  So, I extend a little advice to you:

• Don't limit yourself by demanding your "perfect man" meet your physical requirements.  Dating a man that isn't what you want physically isn't lowering your standards.  Lowering your standards would be sleeping with him to keep him (been there, done that; see the first sentence of this post for the outcome).  
• Realize that your man may not be perfect in your friends' eyes.  What is important is that he is perfect for YOU.
• Fairytale romances are just that.  Be realistic! 
• Love takes time (yes Mariah!!!).  Allow it to take its course.  Build your foundation on the construct of friendship, and allow the relationship to grow from there.  Your romantic relationship is likely to last if you start this way (my friends who are in long term relationships all recommend this method).  In this way you'll truly know each other, and won't ignore the major issues the two of you refuse to live with if you're not blinded by premature love.
• Make sure he is the type of individual that can function well in a committed relationship; in other words make sure he's ready to settle down, or you'll be sorry! You'll see the signs, and you should NEVER ignore them.
• Know yourself!  This is the most important rule.  

I've found that I am a perfectionist.  Although I'm trustworthy, committed, and make it my mission to ensure my lover's happiness when I'm in a relationship, I have a problem sharing tasks, because I think only I can perform them efficiently.  I am very goal oriented, and I set goals which often limit my time for spending those precious intimate moments with my boyfriend.  Being single has forced me to come face to face with these demons (and those are only a few; I'm moody too), which are only bad when they come in between you and your lover, or when you're with an individual who refuses to deal with your vices. Don't sweat the small stuff, but don't lower your standards by putting up with the major issues (i.e. infidelity, lack of communication, physical/mental abuse, etc.). I recommend being single for a while, in order to discover yourself, and truly make sure that you are in love with "you" (and you even know who "you" are for that matter)before you attempt to love another.  So, take your time, and make sure he'll love you beyond your short comings, and you won't be stupid in love (sorry, music is my life).  

Share your relationship advice with burnthecloset.blogspot.com by leaving comments today! I'd love to hear it (I need all the help I can get).

The last pride event I officially attended and participated in was Atlanta's Black Pride in September of 2007.  The very first time I attended a pride event (in Atlanta in 2002), I was overwhelmed with excitement.  Coming from a small town, I felt so isolated; like I was the only gay man in town.  To be surrounded amongst other gay men gave me a feeling of empowerment; finally I realized I'm not the only one.  I was amazed at how the mayor of the city acknowledged and welcomed all visitors that traveled to Atlanta to be a part of the Gay Pride Event.  After 2002, I attended Atlanta's Pride Event each year, and the event began to lose its luster.  The very positive and uplifting workshops (Couple's Therapy, Film Festivals, HIV Support Groups, etc) were shadowed by the "shade" that I encountered.  I found most of the gay men that came to pride to either be sexually opportunistic (taking advantage of the large group of gay men) or very outwardly shady.  I thought to myself at a time we should embrace each other due to the hardships that I'm sure everyone attending has encountered at some point in some manner should take this moment to reflect and bond.  I became quite disappointed when I saw it to be quite the opposite. The "Meet & Greets" have become "Read & Greets".   At the malls, and other public places, some gay men felt a sense of "entitlement", acting obnoxious simply because there were large numbers of gay men present.  At a time of AIDs awareness, there are numerous "sex parties" being held in the late hours of night (some of them being "raw" parties).  Are you kidding?!  Come on, let's get it together.  Moreover, instead of saying welcome brother (or sister; the lesbians unfortunately are pushed to the back burner which will bring me to my next point), energy is wasted in being "catty" by turning the cheek, and making snide comments about each other.  Haven't gay men and women been persecuted enough!?  This atmosphere which is all too common has made me resent Pride Marches all together.  I understand, and totally support the message since the first official pride march on July 4, 1969 in New York City.  Gay men needed to establish a voice in the community.  Through breaking social norms in a very ostentatious manner (deconstruction of gender roles, bright and flamboyant clothing, etc), gay men were able to gain grounds in the name of liberation and equality.  Gay Pride today is overshadowed by the negative aspects I mentioned, however.

What's more is the segregation.  In an age where we must support and back one another, we have a "regular" pride (for caucasians) and a "black" pride (obvious).  Here's an idea.  In an act of solidarity, let's combine the two.  Now I'm not crazy.  I understand the premise of having two is due to the fact that blacks were overshadowed during the first pride marches.  So, in order for black gay men to have a voice, and to announce our community's special interests, we had to establish our own pride.  But is it necessary any more?  I think not.  Instead, let's destroy the inter-segregation that has occurred in the gay community (the unnecessary segregation) and show the world that "'WE' are here, we're queer, so let's get used to it".

What do ya say?  Shall we begin to spread a message of solidarity, and embrace each other, or continue on a track of segregation and shade that reflects the painful abandonment and ostracizing we have faced from our family, friends, and society.  I assure you that we will achieve more as a whole.  Let's give it a try!

Okay, so I really HATE men that hide behind a facade of heterosexuality.  The "DL" man that thinks its totally cool to cheat on his wife with another man, because secretly he really wants to be with "him" and not "her".  Or, the man that is scared of being "out" because he feels it will ruin his image.  News flash buddy, your cowardice is only perpetuating the unhealthy ignorance regarding homosexuality! Additionally, you "think" you're safe in your place, when you're really chained by your own fears.  BURN THE CLOSET MY FRIEND!!!  So, I'd like to take the moment to propose a toast to the brave souls that have combated bigotry and ignorance, fighting the "gay" fight for the community.  You're all so beautiful in your own way.  As a way to celebrate I'd like to hear about your coming out stories.  The best one will post on Independence Day (how coincidental right?) and win a gift certificate to the Cheesecake Factory.  Here's the rules:

• Submit your "Coming Out" story via text or video
• Only Followers/Subscribers may enter to win
• Your story MUST be unedited, candid and honest (10 minute max)
• Email your video/textual story to burnthecloset@gmail.com
• Submit your stories within the next 4 weeks (June 1-June 30)

The Perpetual "One That Got Away" wants to burn the closet that so many gay men and women think they are protected by, when the truth slowly leaks from the confines of their not-so-safe little world.  Just think how happy you will be when you let go and become that much closer to being yourself for a change.  You'll feel good, I promise, and fate will be that much kinder to you.