I'm a single man, by choice lately.  However, I have tried to maintain a long term relationship, several times to no avail; so one could say that I have a little experience.  When you get my age, you really take a look back at the mistakes you've made in life, and try to figure out how to avoid making them again as you proceed into the future.  If you read my article, "Singled Out: Dating Tips From A Single Man", you will see that I've listed all of my imperfections.  The key is, I am aware of what they are.  Never the one to place total blame on myself, however, I think I've been looking for love in all the wrong places (sorry Marc Almond).  As one does when he/she gets older, I will pass down my knowledge, and it is up to you to listen.  

Below, I've listed the top five places to avoid when

you want to settle down, and why.  

Remember you've been warned.

5. The Grocery Store
Try to find "Mr. Right" in the produce section, and your bananas won't be the only thing getting bagged           dear.  It's true ladies and gents, men who stalk you in grocery stores are only trying to throw you in the cart with the rest of their groceries.  Once their done treating you like the perishable goods in their pantry, you're a goner.  Then, they're back at the grocery store to make another "purchase".

4. Your Straight Best Girlfriend
This is trivial, because the problem is most heterosexual women, try as they might, don't get it, even your "hag".  No matter how you try to explain it to them, they will forever be clueless.  You see, to them, you're a gay man, and they see another handsome gay man (so they think), and automatically think its a match made.  In their 2+2=4 world, it's that black and white.  But for us, I think we know what the real "tea" is.

3. So Called "Dating" Websites
Eve's other half has a website, except its sans Eve.  This website is under the guise of a great website where singles can meet and fall in love.  Don't fall for the hype.  Several failed relationships have finally opened my eyes to the real deal; A4A only serves a carnal purpose. For example, members post explicit images and claim to only be looking for friends, or wanting to find real love.  This should let you know that A4A and other similar websites are b.s., and you should GET OUT while you still can.  I mean really, I've never made lasting friendships by showing people my private area.  (Other's to avoid: Black Gay Chat, ManHunt, etc.)

2. Church
If you want a man to lie, cheat, and be deceitful, then church is the place for you.  The place of hypocrites and bigots, church will surely lead you on the path of romantic destruction.  News flash, if a man will lie to God, sweetie he will lie to you.

1. The Club
The number one NO-NO!!! Do I really need to go there?  I mean seriously, a hot sweaty room full of people that are drunk and high is the spot you choose to find a lasting love? Don't kid yourself my friend.  The music is pumping, and individuals are on the dancefloor grinding lustfully on each other.  This hedonic scene is saturated in sexual overtones.  I don't care how good he looks, and all of the wonderful things he whispers in your ear.  When the lights turn on at the end of the night, you will see him for who he truly is in more ways than one.  Let him buy you a few drinks, thank him for the favor, and leave.  Aliases and "phony" numbers work great in this setting.  Enjoy the night, leave any aspirations for romance at home, and like Gaga says, "just dance"!

Know of any other "No Cupid" zones?  Please comment and share your stories here at burnthecloset.blogspot.com!

Chris Brown released Graffiti late last year after the "Rihanna" debacle.  If you guys don't remember, and I'd question how you could forget (it was on just about every news station), Chris Brown pleaded guilty for the charges filed against him for physically beating Ms. Ri Ri.  There were reports of choking, punching, and biting in this incident (I even think there was a report of an umbrella-el-la-eh-eh print on the victim's face).  Bottom line, Chris Brown "went in" during this now-separated couple's argument gone wrong.  Shortly thereafter, Chris Brown extended a public apology that wasn't well received by people.  Most believed it would have been better for Chris to go on a hiatus, do a bit of community service, and then attempt to make a comeback.  Well, the route Chris Breezy took echoed in his poor album sales.  Graffiti (which I must admit has some great songs), blacklisted from certain stores (i.e. Wal-Mart) reflected pretty disparaging numbers in its first week -- a bit more than 100,000.  In response to these sales, Chris Brown got fired up again (the hard headed never learn) and responded on his Twitter fan page:

im tired of this sh*t. major stores r blackballing my cd. not stockin the shelves and lying to costumers. what the f*ck do i gotta do...

WTF... yeah i said it and i aint retracting shit

im not biting my tongue about sh*t else... the industry can kiss my ass

thx again to my real fans. u dont go unnoticed .love y'all

Now here we are at the BET Awards on Sunday June 27, 2010.  Chris Brown performed a tribute to Michael Jackson by singing and dancing to some of the late pop star's greatest hits ("Smooth Criminal", "The Way You Make Me Feel", "Do You Remember", etc.).  And oh, how appropriate, "Man In The Mirror" begins to play, and Chris breaks down in tears.  This either touched some or made others laugh.  Whatever it did for you, I hope you realize it was a publicity stunt.  Chris has to find a way to gain the favor of former fans and the people in general after he lost it over the Rihanna incident.  So, on national television, Chris decides to use this as his moment of glory to display his regret, hurt, and shame for his past transgressions (again during the very appropriate song, "Man In The Mirror").  I say it's all too convenient.  Chris my friend, don't try so hard.  Instead, why not entertain the thought of seminars against domestic violence, or perhaps begin a domestic violence campaign to show your remorse.  Instead of trying to do it on a laughable awards show which only caters to a certain target group, make a real attempt that will grab the heart strings of a larger audience.  SMH


Burnthecloset would like to know your thoughts on the matter.  Please comment, or email comments to 
burnthecloset@gmail.com!

Okay, so I'm single...(deep breath...wait...wait...release)...there I said it.  I must admit that I never imagined that I would be single in my sexy 30's, but the reality of it is, men don't change for the better as you get older.  Sometimes I really think they make a change for the worse.  But that is neither here nor there.  But here's the major question: is it really their actions or unconscious actions of my own that are truly transforming my "Prince Charmings" into royal a**holes? This year, after yet another failed relationship, I took a vow -- "No Men for 2010".  Yes, I've said it before, but this year I really meant it (besides, I have to because the slogan will be irrelevant next year and thereafter).  Amazingly, in just six short months, I've discovered so many things about "me" that I would have never unearthed if I had of allowed another pretend lover in my life.  Oh, but the beauty of revelations has uncovered things (I dare not call them imperfections--hey I'm a Capricorn; in my eyes I AM perfect) that "the one" will be willing to put up with out of love for me.  After realizing these things, I believe in "the one" more than ever before.  I've discovered he may not fit my shallow physical requirements (a tall, hyper-masculine, muscular brick wall), but will be the man I've longed for because he will meet my emotional prerequisites.  So, I extend a little advice to you:

• Don't limit yourself by demanding your "perfect man" meet your physical requirements.  Dating a man that isn't what you want physically isn't lowering your standards.  Lowering your standards would be sleeping with him to keep him (been there, done that; see the first sentence of this post for the outcome).  
• Realize that your man may not be perfect in your friends' eyes.  What is important is that he is perfect for YOU.
• Fairytale romances are just that.  Be realistic! 
• Love takes time (yes Mariah!!!).  Allow it to take its course.  Build your foundation on the construct of friendship, and allow the relationship to grow from there.  Your romantic relationship is likely to last if you start this way (my friends who are in long term relationships all recommend this method).  In this way you'll truly know each other, and won't ignore the major issues the two of you refuse to live with if you're not blinded by premature love.
• Make sure he is the type of individual that can function well in a committed relationship; in other words make sure he's ready to settle down, or you'll be sorry! You'll see the signs, and you should NEVER ignore them.
• Know yourself!  This is the most important rule.  

I've found that I am a perfectionist.  Although I'm trustworthy, committed, and make it my mission to ensure my lover's happiness when I'm in a relationship, I have a problem sharing tasks, because I think only I can perform them efficiently.  I am very goal oriented, and I set goals which often limit my time for spending those precious intimate moments with my boyfriend.  Being single has forced me to come face to face with these demons (and those are only a few; I'm moody too), which are only bad when they come in between you and your lover, or when you're with an individual who refuses to deal with your vices. Don't sweat the small stuff, but don't lower your standards by putting up with the major issues (i.e. infidelity, lack of communication, physical/mental abuse, etc.). I recommend being single for a while, in order to discover yourself, and truly make sure that you are in love with "you" (and you even know who "you" are for that matter)before you attempt to love another.  So, take your time, and make sure he'll love you beyond your short comings, and you won't be stupid in love (sorry, music is my life).  

Share your relationship advice with burnthecloset.blogspot.com by leaving comments today! I'd love to hear it (I need all the help I can get).